What can I say? A LOT! What a rough week! Yes, yes, I would love to have the patience and ability to be a stay at home mom or even a part time worker but with the career I have, that is almost impossible and with the economy the way it is, geez, who knows, I could be the primary bread winner. I hope it doesn't come to that but who knows what the good Lord has in store for us and one cannot assume anything so, I work hard, live life in the fast line and just try to survive. You know what makes it better? Being able to pray, meditate, talk to my besties and see my sweet babies at the end of the day--and it's even more better when the weekend gets here.
As a working mom, life sucks sometimes. I LOVE my job. I feel like I help protect the life of the Public through education and regulation. I love the way I have problem solving and have the knowledge of environment protection. Then there are days when I'm like...um, can I pleeeze stay home? It is a catch 22. By working I am providing more money for the future--and not for myself but for my children. At the same time, I am sacrificing that time with them....however, please note that by not having that all day contact with them, I REALLY enjoy the time I have with them when I do get home too....hmm, I'm using this blog as therapy today. I am thankful I have the gift of being able to multi-task...
Why did this week suck, you may ask? Well for starters....let me say this....
My boss retired in December 2009; therefore I have been given the task of not only doing my job (which is really slow) but also covering for the Director's position. I was solo for about four weeks but the State finally approved a temporary position for my boss to come back and help which has been just awesome. It is always good to be able to bounce your ideas off someone who has been doing the job for 30 years! There are good days and bad days and I don't know what to call the following--maybe just call me crazy. I decided, when his old position opened and was listed on the job market, to apply! Yep, I actually applied for the position. It is an opportunity for advancement but also a greater challenge professionally. With it comes the extra resposibilites but I must love stress, time managment, prioritization and blah, blah, blah.
The interview was today....but boy what a week it has been.
First of all, Monday started with a bang. Several projects going on--beginning with a conference call regarding a well water study that began in 2009. The conference call, you guessed it, ended up with some work that would be great but time consuming as I am a perfectionist--probably more of a weakness than a strength. Among other items, finished the day--with the background duties going on, the whole time I'm worrying about the interview.
Tuesday-car breaks down on I75. Yep, nice eh. I actually thought, what is happening, discovered that, yes, the car is no longer able to accelerate and um, yeah time to pull over across the one lane of passers by that apparently did not care if they died or not....get a grip people--you are in a car that is somewhat but not totally in your control ....I pulled over. I have wonderful co-workers....thank you guys. Two, then three, folks came to help me out. The timing belt went stripped. Yep, that involved a tow, and parts and labor. $480 bucks later, I am the proud owner of a car with a new timing belt, water pump, A/C belt, and P/S belt. I can handle that--heck, the car was manufactured in 2002--she was due.
Wednedsay involved some crazy work stuff, more interview prep and worrying, bla bla bla. Thursday--hell day. Still trying to finish my well water letters, due yesterday, but still had other stuff just getting in my way--however, still fun, exciting, etc. Finally Friday came; interview at 2pm. I almost made it to the interstate about 11 miles from home when spash, water coming out from the hood....oh, no! The temp gage sky rocketed and yep, ended up on the side of High Falls Park Road in the parking lot of an abandoned church yard. Busted radiator. Here I am decked out in my black dress, heels, etc...lifting the hood to find out what the heck was going on....my ex-boss was a life saver...took me to work and so here I was....Jerime was there the whole time too--just remotely as he had a meeting himself and had to get the kids to daycare...
Interview time came and went. It was a wonderful experience and who knows what their selection will be--but what a crazy week. I was so tired that the hair appointment I made for a cut and color ended up being just a quick cut--I was just too exhausted to sit in that chair a whole hour for the color....hair dresser was ok with my decision...I don't think I let her down too bad. So I get home to my family after hell week. Then, what bad timing for me, but I could tell that the grandparents wanted little Thadeus to spend the night and I don't think he has spent the night since 2007 or so...wow. I cannot help that I am that way. I am though. I love my precious children so much...they are, after all, my life. I cried for about 30 minutes after he left, smiling as he left. I thought, is he missing me? Does he love me? Why was he so willing to leave me, when I have worked so hard all week just to be there long enough for short play time, meal time. I don't think some mothers go through the same withdrawal that I do. I hate feeling that way. But, I love them soooooo much. I am glad I let him go though. All I do is think of my little Thadeus. What did I gain out of the sleepover situation? I got to spend precious one on one time with my little Max. He is learning so much still and growing so fast. He is my little snuggle bug. We played, walked with his walker and then came bath time. He was so cute and I actually got him on video telling me "bye, bye"--such a blessing. I still think about Thadeus as he sleeps about four miles from me--and cannot wait until I see him in the morning. He is after all my first born. I could not imagine losing a child...b/c when he left to spend the night, my heart hurt so bad. I love that little booger so much.
Sweet dreams Thadeus, mommy loves you.
4 comments:
I loved being on the outside of your journal entry looking in. I am going to say some things and if you get offended I will apologize now. Its not my intent. YOur little guys are little for just a short period. And then they are grown up and don't want you to love on them anymore. Someone else is raising your children and giving their ideas(if any at all) to them. Those day care people as loving as they can be can't love your kids like you can. I have stayed home with my kids from the get go and have loved every minute of it. I believe you are probably very talented with your work but no one can replace the place of the mother in the home with their babies!!!! Don't get me wrong their are times I wish I could just not be mom for a little bit and even think sometime if I hear the word mom again I might just scream. But my job has been so fulfilling over the years and I could never replace any of that with a dollar amount that I would earn at a 9-5 job. Trust me if you were to stay at home with your kids full time the Lord would provide for you. If you stayed at home you wouldn't be crying when your son wanted to spend the night at Grandma's. You would welcome the break and then be excited when he got home. Maybe you weren't suppose to make that interview for a reason. I know you are a wonderful mom no matter whether you are working or not. Its just food for thought. Thanks for letting us in on your hard day!!!
I know exactly what you mean Dana. I agree and feel guilty everytime I leave the door. But, it has been a choice that we have made as a family. I may feel a little more guilty now though. Many people have to have two salaries to make it. Jerime is in a field that only functions due to the building market. In GA, the building market is one of the hardest hit in the U.S. We are thankful everyday that he has a job...but in a blink of an eye, he may be the stay at home dad while I be the provider- ya know. I hope you don't judge us for our decision. I have so many friends that have made it work. I think it would be different if I was making chump change too...I think if we had started a family right after we got married things would be different. There has to be that balance between motherhood and work--for me. I have worked so hard to be where I am in the work field--it is such a stuggle. I mean, I didn't have my first child until our fifth year of marriage. My job was something that made me who I was. I pray everynight that we have made the right decision. God has not given me the inclination that what I am doing is wrong- sometimes my heart hurts...but I know in the long run I have been blessed with my decision. My mama had to work--she had four kids. They struggled so hard...do you remember that? I hated that convenience store. My parents really didn't get ahead until much later in life, which is okay...but you know what?, I don't have a single memory where I felt like she had abandoned me because of work.
It is such a hard, controversial subject for me too....see, your family has made the decision to make it work--I commend you and your husband for that. It just hasn't worked that way for us. I do feel inferior to my friends who stay home.
I'm not offended...dear Lord, no. I totally agree with you too.
No worries. I love being a mom and absolutely love my sweet little children. Better yet, I love the drive home so I can be with them and hold them tight.
Girl I DO NOT judge you!!!!!! I hope you didn't feel like that in my comment. There are sooo many families where mom HAS to work. I totally get that. And I totally get where you are coming from. Life is hard these days and we all do the best we can!!! Love ya!!!
Thanks girl. Love you too. Girl, how do y'all make it on one salary? LOL
Post a Comment